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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

It's all bout the money

i haven't realized that this blog has been idle like the cobwebs until today..
and i also realize my last entry was last august...
what happened then?
well a lot..

let's just say, tides were so unpredictable and i've been in the "hurricane area", just like the what the people in south Florida are experiencing right now...

im in the process of picking up the pieces, restoring dilapidated parts, and sorting things out...and the good thing is that, after justifying my actions out of impulsive decisions, i'm all sorts now, and i'd say more sane...

life is pretty stable...skies are clear...although there has been words coming from home, that I'm a little slow paced when it comes to piling up my dough....

i used to be very aggresive and assertive when it comes to fattening my account, but it seems that things are taking so slow these days...im taking so much time...being an employee..on a graveyard shift...and contented with paycheks that's artificially fattened by Night diffs and premium pays...

what's next?

well, i really don't know, but im at the verge of finding means of earning fast...BIG TIME...
how to do it? i still don't know...
but whatever it takes, wherever itw ould lead me...at this point, i really don'y care that much...
as long as i'll get to earn the sum i've been wanting to come up with by the time i'd be 25..

but look at me, im 25...and what have i got? not even 1/4 of what i envisioned...

mediocre....cmon...this is not so much of you...
why not think OUT of the BOX? think more and think Quick , before it is too late...
and gone are the bandwagons ok? innovate....now, na...

Saturday, August 20, 2005

WHAM! WHAM!

Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the timeThere's something wrong hereThere can be no denyingOne of us is changingOr maybe we've just stopped tryingAnd it's too late baby, now it's too lateThough we really did try to make itSomething inside has died and I can't hideAnd I just can't fake itIt used to be so easy living here with youYou were light and breezyAnd I knew just what to doNow you look so unhappyAnd I feel like a foolAnd it's too late baby, now it's too lateThough we really did try to make itSomething inside has diedand I can't hide itAnd I just can't fake itThere'll be good times again for me and youBut we just can't stay togetherDon't you feel it tooStill I'm glad for what we hadAnd how I once loved youAnd it's too late baby, now it's too lateThough we really did try to make itSomething inside has died andI can't hide it I just can't fake itDon't you know that I...I just can't fake itOh it's too late my babyToo late my babyYou knowIt's too late my baby

Saturday, August 13, 2005

SA Lahat ng mga Kabit, Kinakabit, May Kabit, at nabiktima ng may kabit, this one is definitely for YOU!

A FORWARDED EMAIL:

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends." They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi." She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya? "He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi." They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend! She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is." The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi. This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo." This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan? Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling. Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit. My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala." Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan. But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi. Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos? Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all. Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls? Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us." Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else. Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences. But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing. When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita." Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya... almost, but not quite.

Monday, August 01, 2005

LOVEFOOL

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem,
You love me no longer I know and,
Maybe there is nothing that I can do to make you do.
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother,
That I ought to stick to another man,
A man that surely deserves me.
But I think you do.

So, I cry and I pray and I beg,
Love me, love me, say that you love me,
Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me,
Love me, love me, pretend that you love me,
Lead me, lead me, just say that you need me,
So I cry and I beg for you to
Love me, love me, say that you love me,
Lead me, lead me, just say that you need me,
I can't care about anything but you,
Lately, I had desperately pondered,
Spent my nights awake and I wondered,
What I could have done in another way to make you stay,
Reason will not teach a solution,
I will end up lost in confusion,
I don't care if you really care as long as you don't go,

So, I cry and I pray and I beg,
Love me, love me, say that you love me,
Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me.
Love me, love me, pretend that you love me,
Lead me, lead me, just say that you need me,
So I cry and I beg for you to
Love me, love me, say that you love me,
Lead me, lead me, just say that you need me,
I can't care about anything but you,
Anything but you,
Love me, love me,
Say that you love me,
Fool me, fool me,
Go on and fool me,
Love me, love me,
I know that you need me,
I can't care about anything, but you.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

wattawaste

im sitting here in front of this pc thinking about how
bad my day was..


i slept at around 7AM this morning as my shift from work ended at 5AM....

i had a good bed rest until i woke up at around 245PM and found out that my car parked outside my boarding house was scratched all over....

damn those kids....maybe they thought that was one of their toys....

i had no choice but pull out the car from that place and drive all the way from makati to QC to park the car in a safe garage somewhere in teacher's village....of course, it's not my own house...but it is safer there....

and id be commuting for good...

between having my own pad and having a car? i realized the latter being better.... coz if you have a car and no garage, each ticking second would be an agony thinking that your car might be hit, carnapped, or scratched anytime....

life is hard...life is harsh....life of a YUPPIE (young urban poor) like me is definitely a roller coaster ride....

times like this makes me wanna go back to my HOME and be a couch potato again......

Friday, June 10, 2005

summer outing!!!!


click mo lang to see our OUTING pics!!!
heto pa mga extra outing pics. click lang...:)

MY OPISMEYTS!


it's where and what i'm bz with 8hrs a day.....click here to see my opismeyts ! wala lang! :)

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Saturday, April 30, 2005

personality test





Your #1 Match: INTP


The Thinker
You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.
You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

Your #2 Match: INFP


The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #3 Match: ENTP


The Visionary
You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.
You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

I'm The coquette

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette
You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte.And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Hypochondriac

an officemate of mine happened to read my profile in friendster (which i happened to copy-paste from a VIRGO zodiac sign description) and asked me what is being meant by HYPOCHONDRIAC.
In common language hypochondriac indicates a person who «thinks he is ill» or merely «imagines that he has symptoms».

Very true indeed...for there was a specific span of time when i imagined myself being terminally ill...my head was aching like hell and i imagined having a very big tumor on my head..i insisted on having a CT scan...
...i can't help but laugh right now on how i pressed on the doctor to have my brain scanned...well, she suggested i had my eyes examined first (i have a minor astigmatism and have to wear glasses when reading) and then wait for further advise...
....the opthalmologist found test results inconclusive of the symptoms i had...and recommended a consultation from a Neurologist...
...i didn't feel bad at that instant though,,, i was quite excited to finally be under the care of a neurologist....and i was so disheartened when he just advised for an EEG...a test that would measure the signals on your brain by frequency to suggest any signs of epilepsy and other brain wave abnormality. it was very diappointing to hear that tests delivered normal results....
...weird, but true...i kept imagining i have a tumor on my brain...

....there was also a point when i imagined i have a bad tumor on my right breast...had to undergo a mammogram test, and was disheartened when the specialist informed me during the testing that there is no abnormal tissue or bad lumps on my breast, and i did not bother to go back and get the exam results...too disheartening that I'm perfectly healthy....

......that's really funny...or should i say, WEIRD....

i am really a Hypochondriac....


.....I never place my cellphone too close on my right head for a very long time coz I feel pain on the right side of my head when I do that.....It's been like that since then...and I imagine there is something inside my head that the EEG did not see...

....HYPOCHONDRIAC indeed....



on this note, you might as well take this test:ARE YOU HYPOCHONDRIAC?
So are you a hypochondriac? Answer the following questions as honestly as you can:
1. Do you worry about your health more than most people do? Yes/No
2. If you've been ill and someone tells you you're looking better, do you feel annoyed? Yes/No
3. Are you bothered by many aches and pains? Yes/No
4. Do you think there is something seriously wrong with your body? Yes/No
5. Do you spend most of your time thinking about yourself and your health, rather than other people or things?
6. Do you feel that other people are not paying enough attention to your illnesses?
7. Do you think the doctor is lying when he/she tells you there is nothing wrong with you? Yes/No
8. If you hear about a disease, are you afraid of getting it? Yes/No
9. Do you worry often that you may have a serious illness? Yes/No
10. Do you have many different types of symptoms? Yes/No
If you have answered yes to three or more of these questions (especially 5,6 and 7), you could be a hypochondriac. Ask your family what they think, and consider making an appointment to see a therapist to deal with your anxiety levels. – (Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Nothing...i just feel empty right now...

ever been in a state of emptiness?

it's really hard being practically alone...when your family is away...when your good old buddies are preoccupied with each own's lives... when your loved one is miles and miles away.... it makes any one feel really really
EMPTY.

once again, my emptiness was filled out by 3 bottles of SMB...and then again, another set of wrinkles would mark on my face the day after...

i can just iamgine how my friends who are working outside the country feel like during their EMPTY MOMENTS....

it feels nothing....feels like void....feels like a limbo...


if vacuum would create sensation, then definitely this is IT...

i'll wait until the sun rises....i've been used to staying awake all night long til daylight....

i don't want to feel too much VOIDS anymore....

i want to work again....2 days OFF
is too much to bear....that's TOO MUCH VOID.... TOO EMPTY...

.........
............................well i did get by......thanks to these guys, my partial family away from home....

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

GETTING SICK AND TIRED

im too tired already . . .

i need to rest . . . sigh . . .

i wish im back to the old life . . . life of a parasite

back to the time when you can watch as much tv as you like...sleep as much as you can...shop as much as you want, coz it won't hurt your own pocket anyway...

. . . and back to when you wouldn't have to work your ass hard to survive . . .

sigh . . . sigh . . . sigh

Friday, March 18, 2005

and the bomb exploded!

the roommate i can't stand just pissed me off totally!!

so in the next 15 days i'll be out of that tiny room and be looking for a place somewhere else...

relatively im happier now...satisfied with everything...maybe about to be on the top of the wheel...coz, yes, life is just like a wheel...you can be at your peaks and lows...i already had my lows the past two weeks...i'd brace myself for good things to come...optimism....and positive energy would surely attract good things to happen...am not just hopeful...am POSITIVE....

so if you're at your low now, hope for better things to come your way soon, ok? life can be shitty...but also brings sweet endings...chill....

Friday, March 11, 2005

Random thoughts

Why do things happen when you're in a hurry?

WHy do you hate the person who's always around....and love the one who doesn't care as much as you do?

Why aren't you the way people thought YOU'd BECOME when you'd be at your age?

WHy do people like doing things they're not supposed to DO?


How the hell would the computer bog down when you're doing something really, really important?
Why does your load credits get depleted at the instant you badly need to call or text...or network glitch when you're in emergency situation?

AT 16, you thought you'd get married the same age as your parents did...but when you're at that age, you seem to postpone it for 5 years more.....

WHen you grow older, you realize how your world got so BIG already, but your TRUE friends seem to get to be too few, you could count them in a single hand....


When you're young, you want to grow old and do whatever you want to do...but when you're old enough, you want to go back to being a kid..and then tend to act LIKE a kid...

When you're in school, you are DYING TO GET OUT OF SCHOOL and WORK INSTEAD.............but once you're in the REAL WORLD OF WORK and PAYDAYS, you just wish you're IN SCHOOL..............

How adamant you were to have a career, once you're in one, how LAZY you can become sometimes....that you just want to become a BUM, sit around, and become a parental parasite instead.....

Birthdays become more and more sad as your get older, sometimes you even forget about it.....
It's difficult to trust people you come across as you grow older......
How come your FRiends are now married, and you are not?
HAppiness is now in a BOTTLE OF SMB at your 20s and up.....
People come, people go.......one thing's for sure.....people you come across print a tiny bit of themselves in you........

Thursday, March 03, 2005

being a CALL GIRL vs ARCHITECTure

I have an alter ego....

...... and ........ I used to be a confused BITCH .......
I easily get bored with things...I'm up to challenge all the time....
I used to be uncertain of what career to pursue....and I slacked in archi schoolwork and archi firm office work....It's just not the thing for me....
...but right now i'm pretty sure of my self... 1 0 0 %........
I work in a callcenter right now, and it's a job i've always wanted...computer stuff, fast-paced, mind-boggling all the time... and.... all other perks....
the down side... it's super tiring, tiring, tiring.....
but pretty sure,
all other jobs would be tiring....a person's tolerance would really depend on his/her INTEREST and WILLINGNESS to do the JOB.
if i look back, this is the best job i've ever had so far... very challenging, and tiring at the same time....
but one thing i know is that this is where I've always wanted to be in...a CALLGIRL's world.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

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